She is a wanderer, she is no one else’s but her own. Tell me, who can tame the wind? Who can grasp its evasive and free spirit with their hands and say that they have contained it? Surely you know that’s impossible! You don’t try to capture the wind, no, you enjoy the breeze as it sweeps through…
Well, it so happens that trying to capture her heart is as impossible as clawing at the wind. She flows and moves in every direction, her heart cannot be harnessed. She is chaotic and frazzled, a wandering Gemini with hopeless optimism. She is a fiery ball of emotion and ambition.
Boy, bless your soul, it’s not you; it’s her. It always was her, she is a nomad. Her soul cannot be contained, maybe captured for a moment, clasped in your hands for but a second… but that moment is fleeting and before you can stop it, she is swept away by the calling of her heart to follow her dream and you’ll realize, she belongs to no one. That’s not to say she never will, but think of her as an invitation. A challenge. You must captivate her, if you want her to stay.
Captivate her with mysteries and love, lure her in with honesty and adventure. Show her things she has not seen nor felt before. You cannot halt the wind in it’s motion, but you can engage with the flow.
Captivate her, and she’s yours.
Sometimes writing in third person allows me to understand myself a little better. Writing about myself, as if I were someone else, helps me. When I write about myself rather than as myself, it’s like I’m writing a story about a person I know very well. I find clarity in it. So as I was writing this ‘nomad’ piece after stumbling across the word on Facebook, I figured out how to actually explain myself… Because I am a bit different. Let’s be honest. When I came across the word ‘nomad’, I was taken. That’s so me! I remember thinking.
Definition of Nomad: A wanderer, a gypsy, a migrant. A person who has no physical home, constantly on the search for new pasture.
This word sparked my interest. I’d tried to explain this feeling I feel so many times, but it wasn’t until I jotted it down in third person that I totally understood it enough, to be able to blog about it.
I can say to you with complete confidence, I have no physical home. I crave home all the time, but I am never truly settled and I have not found home yet. I experience these moments where I feel like I might be home, it’s usually when I am surrounded by people I really care about; yet still, I haven’t found a place that has made me think gosh, I could just spend the rest of my life here!
My gym family, for example, they definitely make me feel like I have a place to call home. When I’m training, I feel like I’m totally in my element and able to be myself completely. Still, I have this sensing deep down that I’m just passing through for a while. I feel like there are fragments of ‘home’ scattered throughout different places, relationships and situations… But I always have itchy feet, I just want to see and experience as much as I possibly can, and that notion leaves my mind constantly wandering.
For me, ‘home’ exists in moments rather then belongings or possessions. I value memories and adventures much more than I value materialistic items. For example, I’d happily spend my savings on a 6 month trip to Thailand than a house-deposit. Don’t get me wrong, if that is your goal then, YAY! I’m so happy for you, and I really hope you get to achieve that goal. It’s just not my goal, right now. It may be one day, but I’m chasing my passion right now than seeking security.
Definition of Home: The place, where one lives.
Living out of my backpack last year in Thailand for a few months totally liberated me. It was very hard to come back to Australia where I knew I’d need to find a job again, snapped back to a reality I’d grown to hate. I’d tasted total freedom, and felt chained trying to return to normality. A job, bills, alarm clocks, grocery shopping, routine… It felt like an insult. I just wanted to be totally free again. All I wanted to do was train, fight, eat, sleep and explore the island on the back of my scooter.
I’ve definitely come a long way since returning from Thailand last year, and have grown in many ways. What I realised is, I’m not chained or trapped by having a job or a ‘normal’ routine. I am ‘home’ and completely within myself, wherever I am and whatever I’m doing.
My whole life is in constant rotation, I am always on the move. I always have a new project to work on, a new idea or goal, I am constantly shifting and rearranging myself. I’m always on Google searching for new places to fly to and explore. I dream of wandering the streets of Greece or exploring the coast in Phuket on a scooter. I dream about hiking through the Himalayas or scouting for my long lost relatives in Northern India. If a man happens to float into my life, riding this same wave that I’m on, then I’ll go with the flow for sure. If he can make me feel like I am home at any moment, I’m caught.
This is not all to say I refuse to fall in love, despite what some people have said to me! I’m not opposed to falling in love and ending my epic, single-life reign. I’m just living for me, right now. If there is a man out there who can captivate my attention, expand my perception of life and bring to me new adventures, then I’m all in! If there’s someone out there who can make me feel like I’m at home, no matter where in this crazy world we are; well, I’d probably fall in love immediately.
But I haven’t met him yet, and there is really only one reason I’m still in Perth, to be honest. Home, is Perth right now, and here’s why.
If not for my goals in Muay Thai and my huge love for this art, I would have hit the road a long time ago. Muay Thai grounds me, it makes sense to me when nothing else does. I have shaped my whole life, career and routine around Muay Thai. I live for it.
Cue in Stacie Orrico’s song, ‘There’s gotta be more to life…”
I just know that my soul is begging me to see what else is out there first. I wouldn’t forgive myself in sixty years time for not taking the opportunity to explore the world now whilst I am physically able to. Now is the time for me to pursue my goals with fierce intent, whilst I am able to – because Life is pretty fucking short.
I don’t have a lot of my own possessions, my life is very simple and because it is, I am able to completely focus on my goals (being The Fight Vault and Muay Thai). If there was a fire in my house, the only things I would desperately grab would be my Training Bag, my Laptop, my Phone (I actually have about 5,000 photos and videos on my phone…) and my Journal. And of course, my loved ones. Everything else can perish for all I care, I’ve lived with these items alone before and have never felt more complete. You don’t need a lot of things to be happy in life. Honestly.
I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum too. I’ve had high-earning jobs that have granted me many luxuries and I have also been without a single penny to my name, homeless. I’ve been the one helping my friends through tough times and I’ve also been the one receiving help too. What I have learnt through it all, is this; Money only has as much power as you give to it. You can still live an incredible life no matter what wage you have or what possessions you own. The choice is yours.
Not only that but you are never trapped within your own reality, because your reality and everything in it is changeable. My life and who I am has shifted and changed form so many times over the past few years, but I’ve grown to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. I call this the ‘growth zone’. Be challenged! Change doesn’t need to be scary, embrace it!
I don’t fear much, really. My only fear is growing old and not doing all the things with my youth, that I should have. I would hate nothing more than to reach my 90-year-old milestone, when I am most likely physically unable to do things like kick a bag or go for a jog along the beach, and be filled with regret. Whilst I am capable, healthy and youthful, I try to do everything I can to kindle my fire. I think it’s important we do what sets our souls alight, whilst we are able to. Prioritize your dreams, THIS is the time to make them happen.
That is why I am a nomad. I don’t want to waste a minute caught in normality or mediocrity, so I embrace adventure wherever I can… and that attitude, has lead me to some pretty beautiful experiences. Home is everywhere for me, it is in this moment. It is where I am happy, where I am fulfilled, doing what I love to do.
For all of the reasons and thoughts above, this is why I believe I’m a nomad.
“Home is the here, and now.” -Buddha